Life, Health & The Universe
Life, health and the universe are all connected. In a world where we are more connected than ever, we have become disconnected from ourselves. In this podcast, along with guests, I discuss ideas in a celebration of life, an exploration of health and some wonderment of the universe.
Contact Nadine: https://lifehealththeuniverse.podcastpage.io/contact
Life, Health & The Universe
Authentic Leadership: Transform Your Inner Critic and Embrace Self-Discovery
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Unlock the secrets to effective leadership and personal transformation with insights from international speaker and leadership awareness expert, Mags Bell. Discover how Mags transitioned from a directive manager in the pharmaceutical world to a skilled coach, helping leaders embrace self-awareness and authenticity. Through her "Leading Me" program, Mags illustrates the importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies in leadership and how her initial skepticism about coaching turned into a passion. Her experiences and insights promise to provide a fresh perspective on leading oneself before leading others.
Mags shares her personal battle with self-imposed depression and her journey to silence the inner critic. Learn practical tools like the four-R release model to maintain mental well-being and combat overwhelm.
By emphasising the role of intentions and staying centred, Mags guides listeners through the process of achieving balance and resilience, shedding light on the deeper connection between leadership, personal intentions, and financial goals.
As we wrap up, explore the transformative journey of authenticity and self-discovery. Mags shares the importance of knowing one's values and purpose in business, and how these elements can lead to breakthroughs in personal and professional life.
With the launch of "Dare to Shine Your Brilliance," Mags shifts her focus to creating a supportive community for leaders, offering a nurturing space for growth and mutual support.
Join us for practical tips and profound insights that will empower you to lead a more balanced, fulfilling life, and find out how you can be part of this vibrant community.
You can find Mags' full profile in our Guest Directory
https://lifehealththeuniverse.podcastpage.io/person/mags-bell
Welcome to Life, health and the Universe, bringing you stories that connect us, preventative and holistic health practices to empower us and esoteric wisdom to enlighten us. We invite you to visit our website, where you can access the podcast, watch on YouTube and find all of our guests in the guest directory. Visit lifehealththeuniversepodcastpageio. Now let's get stuck into this week's episode. Today we're going to be chatting with international speaker and expert in leadership awareness, mags Bell. Welcome, mags.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much, Nadine.
Speaker 1:Mags has worked with many global leaders and influencers, guiding them through her signature program Leading Me. Her approach consistently delivers and takes her clients' businesses to the next level. That's what we're going to be talking about today leadership and everything that you do, mags. I'm kind of holding back on the intro because I reckon that we're going to like there's going to be so many different directions we can go in. You have obviously got some great stuff happening, like really successful in the programme that you have created to help people in leadership, specifically women or anyone.
Speaker 2:Anyone. A lot of women are drawn to the teachings, mainly because we're talking about going inside. Right, leading me is about if I don't know me, how can I possibly lead anyone else? Yeah right, and people don't. They're not really led as much as they follow. So if my we always talk about, you know, be an example. But if my example isn't what I actually want people to do, that causes issues. Example isn't what I actually want people to do. That causes issues. So men are attracted to it. But it's certain men who are confident, I suppose, within their feminine side. Right, they've managed to balance that masculine, feminine part. So for them, reaching in is what they're wanting when they're needing. So we there will some men, um, but they're very specific. They're men who are ready to reach it, put it that way, um, whereas the rest of women, who we tend to do that at the best of times just with our mates like a little bit than else great, amazing, um, okay, cool.
Speaker 1:So I've already got a whole bunch of things I'd like to ask you, but let's start with how you like, how you came to be in this work, like, what's your background? Have you been in leadership yourself or, um, are you more it like a psychologist?
Speaker 2:It's a good question. I came to coaching not being a very good coach. I was very tell do this this way, this is how it should be done. Oh, you're not doing that right way, you need to do it this way. So, very directional.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was in leadership, and when I say that I was a manager of people when I first started out, I managed people and I wasn't very good at it, to be perfectly honest. Those who were the same style was great. Those who weren't, then I have never gone back to find out. I can't imagine that life was easy with Magspell if you weren't a similar style. So when I look back at that and I go yeah, there was a lot to learn in my younger years. I was a manager at age 26 but it was for the badge. That was really why I got into it. Then I realised it was hard work and it was like having cats and I couldn't understand that. Then I learned more about leadership and then I was put on a course called a coaching course, which I thought was absolute bollocks. Why do I have to ask people what to do? Why can't I just tell them? But I had an issue. I went on the first course and then my company put me on another course and it was at that second course that I had an issue with a member of staff and I thought maybe this might help. So I started taking notes and I was right into the role play and I went back and used it and it worked a treat and I thought, wow, this is really great. So coaching became something I polished because I was not a natural coach. So I had to learn to coach. I had to learn to allow them to find their answers rather than me give the answers. And I mean I've got over 60,000 hours of coaching under my belt now, but back then it was really difficult for me to stay on that path. So I'm not a natural coach, but I can say I am now with all the hours I've put in and the speaking side.
Speaker 2:I didn't realise but I've been speaking for God knows how many years. It started in the pharmaceutical industry. You would speak one-on-one but you'd also speak one-to-a-group and then you would speak one-to-many in a lecture theatre with consultants et cetera, and you're talking about the background of a drug and with consultants etc. And you're talking about you know the background of a drug and how, the interactions and various things. So I was actually on stage for quite a long time but I just didn't see it like that. So when I started my own business as a coach over in the UK, I started by speaking. It was just an easy transfer into people need to know who I am, what I do. So I spoke to various clubs, societies and various things.
Speaker 2:And then I moved to Australia and I knew no one. So I had to get out there in some way. So speaking again was another thing I had done. But I'd been doing that for years and then over the years of coaching and mainly sort of executive business owner space. I like that space people who are really needing help, not so much the corporate, which is where I came from, who think we know everything. So I love people who have opened minds to. I know there's more to this, but I don't know what I don't know, and then we just facilitate that to get there. So it's wonderful. I didn't think I'd be here in Australia doing what I do nowadays, coming from where I did, but that's life yeah, amazing, oh god, I have so many.
Speaker 1:I was like going off in my head then. Really interesting actually, because you say that you, you weren't, you're not a natural leader, but there was obviously something like where you were put in front of people, um, you know, I think leadership.
Speaker 2:Leadership was easy for me and and I didn't mind.
Speaker 2:Maybe in that part taking charge sort of yeah, I was quite happy because most of the time I had a good idea what we needed to do to get things done. Yeah, yeah, and I was. It wasn't, it was just total direction. You know, I was looking at bringing various people in. I was quite good at the networking to get the right people into working that way. So the leadership side I would step up into. But if I now look at leadership from the leading me perspective, I'd say way back when I was younger, I didn't need to know about me, I just need to know what the issue, problem, whatever, and how to fix that. Yeah, right, yeah. Whereas I now understand that actually the dark side of me, that shadow side, as Jung says, that we don't want to look at. So we blame everybody else for what we see, because that's our mirror and we don't like it. All of that has taken me up until now and will keep.
Speaker 1:Raring its ugly head.
Speaker 2:All the time. But that is where leading me came from, when I realised that I had had to go inside to know me, to then facilitate the help for others, because if I'm, if I'm unsure, if I feel uncertain and fearful, then I will put that out onto anyone and everyone around me, and that family, friends and work colleagues. So I then realised I had to fix that and by doing that it's not a case. I talk about being selfish and teaching people to be selfish, because the ones that say mags and point and the three fingers are pointing back at them and say don't be selfish mags. They're saying that because they want something from me. So the way I see it is, if I am selfish and I go for what makes me happy, then I know those around me will get the best from me. So I'm actually serving them by serving self first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so leading me came in bits mainly from experience that I had. I am, I've always been interested in psychology and so I am a student of psychology of various, but I particularly love Jung's work, um and his archetypes. I think the guy was a genius in the fact that he put himself through the actual experience of it, not just worked with clients and that's the bit I love, because I teach what I've experienced, not just what I've read in a book, and now I'm going to teach you that. So it is all through my experience, and all the tools that I have come up with have been on the shoulders of giants. You know that I've learned from through my life who mentored me that knew they did, and others who didn't even know they were mentoring me. I have learned from many wisdoms in this world and I was able to then look at me and the dark side of me and, more importantly, when I went through what they call the dark night of the soul. You know, when I hit depression and I was at the height of my game, you know and I should have everybody else looking in would probably thought Mags is wow, she's got everything. You know, she's got this, she's got that because she's won all this. But in actual fact I was really bad on myself. So my inner critic was so bad that I was pie in the sky. I was hitting targets way above what the company wanted but wasn't good enough for mag spell. So that caused me depression. I caused my own depression and I wanted to find out how I never go back there.
Speaker 2:So some of the tools have come from that, like the four-hour release model, which is really about silencing an inner critic. Um, the, the ladder of leadership that I often talk about, which is really the. It's where mental health comes in. Because now let me let me, for, for those who can't see, who are maybe just listening, there is also, um, for those who can, I've got the leading me ladder of leadership, which is here, yeah, so you can see that the middle section is leading me, and then there is two sections at either side. One is when we big it up and the other is when we belittle.
Speaker 2:So, when we're bigging up, we're usually in control and judgment. So that's the ego situation in that case. Lots of other things in between, but control, you know, who do they think they are? I know better, I know the best, you know that, that type of language that we do, and it's because we're in fear. So we go into this. Oh no, this is it, and I don't want to be shown as, but unfortunately, because we live in a world of polarity, we then have to go to the other side of that, which is belittling, and that is blame and victim. Well, I never actually done that. You find that was Harry that said such and such Victim mode. I can't believe that they're making me do this and making me do that. So I've got two tools One on the belittling thing, so if I catch myself doing a poor me or I'm not good enough or I can't do that, I use the four hours release model to get me back in the middle, to leading me.
Speaker 2:If I'm bigging it up, and I catch myself bigging it up, then I'll actually move back, using the three keys to eliminate your shite and that brings me back into balance. And the balance is really that whole area of your being in the middle. You know the part that, the part of our body that looks after us when we're sleeping. It's doing all the hard work and getting rid of bad cells and repairing cells. All of that middle section is also linked to every single human being, and every human being has electric running through their body. That electricity, where is it coming from? So we need source for electricity. So if I'm doing something against me, I'm also doing it against others, and vice versa.
Speaker 2:So I had to find ways and tools that I could bring myself back, and the four-hour release model was the one for me for depression. I'd done CBT but I was like I need more than this. I need something that's going to keep me coming back. So I I came up with the model and I now teach that to. Anybody will listen, really, um, but it just it stops. I mean, I've I've heard so many people go on about the inner critic or the saboteur or whatever they want to call it, but nobody ever really tells you how to stop that. And they make out you can't but you can and and the model's proved over and over again for me and for many others too. Yeah, but you've got to be committed to actually following the model.
Speaker 1:And it's really when you start a practice where you are trying to come back to yourself. It literally takes practice, right? Because we're so caught up habitually in all of that other stuff and all of the negative self-talk, know the stories that run throughout our lives, in whatever environment we're in. Yeah, it takes. Yeah, it takes work, as you said, and like you have to continually remind yourself, like, even when you're quite um self-aware, it's still easy to get pulled away from that, isn't it well?
Speaker 2:the thing for me is we run old patterns and they were hard to build in the first place but they're now easy for us. So we we stay in that negative old pattern. But when it doesn't serve as well anymore, that's when we usually go I've had enough, I need to do something about it. And when you're ready for that, then that's when you'll do something and then practice each time and I often get people saying how often do I have to go round the circle? Because it's a circle? And I'll say well, actually you only have to do it once and you can silence it.
Speaker 2:But it depends on the commitment you give to each section as you go because we're habitual people and, yeah, if we half arse it, then eventually we'll go. I'll need to go back and do that again, but if you actually take the time and effort into sort of naming that word or phrase, which isn't, which is easy, because we pretty much know what that is. But the second part is reward, and when you reward yourself, you've got to move from that negative feel to positive feel, and the problem is we get it round wrong. This thing about positive thinking doesn't work at all and if you ask I often ask groups of people when I'm doing this you know, hands up, how many people. So for the audience, I just want you to think of this.
Speaker 2:Hands up, how many people have had a situation where they wanted to move from a negative feeling and they had a positive thought and it worked. And they had a positive thought and it worked. And you'll find most people will have some. How many times have you had a negative feel and it hasn't worked when you tried the positive? And then the hands go up. So if positive thinking works, then why are hands going up?
Speaker 2:On the second one, right? So? And the reason is because if we don't inject the turbo charge of feel, then it won't change. And the way the four-hour release model works is you actually have to go to feel before you go to the thought positive thought. So there has to be a change in your body's chemistry before it can get to that thought in your head. That'll change. So it's it's wonderful. When you get that and if you put the time and effort in, it takes you no time to stop that. You might find a new one that pops up. You might find a new limiting belief that pops up. But that's fine. You've got a tool to then name that and do the same thing again. So it's great.
Speaker 1:So does this permanently silence the inner critic? Yeah, as I say, it really depends on the level of commitment yeah, the effort you put in, you can do it on the first goal how deep do you have to go to like really figure out what that and where that story comes from, like does it vary from person to person, or you don't no, and I didn't.
Speaker 2:You don't even have to, you don't even have to find out the why, right, you just need to know the what. So what is the phrase? What is the word that I use against myself? So for mine it was I was never good enough, all right. So I'd say, yeah, somebody would do something. I'd take it and I go, yeah, okay. And then I'd sit there and panic and go, I'm not good enough, I can't do this. Yeah, um, and going up for awards, I'd be walking up, going somebody else has done better than me. They're going to find out, you know, like a big fraud, some. They're going to find out, and then I'm going to have to give this award back because I'm not good, I'm not good enough to receive this. So, depending on what the negative thought is, I don't need to know where it's come from, I just need to know what it is once I know that. So that's the first of the four r's, and I'll say this again because I'm scottish I love it so that R doesn't always translate, but the four R's release model.
Speaker 2:It starts with that. First, you've got to first recognise what the word or phrase negative word or phrase you're using against yourself. The second R is you then have to reward yourself for catching it, because we can most of us know what it is. Oh, done it again. Oh, that's me. Yeah, back down the spiral. But you catch yourself and now you have to move from that feel of negativity to that feel of positivity. Now I've got to be nice to myself, and sometimes we're not very good at doing that right. So you have to find something that you either love a lot. People choose the birth of their first child. I've never had any children, so I can't do that. But a belly laugh will do just as well, because you're moving the chemistry. So I have I say this so many times.
Speaker 2:There is a scene and you can find it on YouTube. If anybody wants to go to YouTube and put in Scottish elevator 11, there's two guys in an elevator voice activated. They're Scottish trying to get to floor 11 hilarious. So that makes me yeah, I mean, I got a massive smile on my face now and it makes my belly laugh. That's my happy place. Yeah, so I only have to go there in my head in one scene and I'm there. Yeah, now I've changed the body chemistry once I've done that, now I can actually go to that.
Speaker 2:So that's first one being recognised. Second one reward. And then the third one is rephrase. Now I can rephrase it into the positive. So if I say I can't do that, I can stop myself. I also name the inner critic and I also tell it to stop. So I put this blocker on it straight away.
Speaker 2:So I'll start with I can't do that, caught you. You distract her voice. You I won't tell you what I call it you distract her voice, you. No, you don't get to do this, because this is the ego playing. No, no, you don't get to do this because this is the ego playing. No, you don't get to do this. Then I go to my happy place and I'm there. I'm in the left, I see it. Now. I'm there and I'm well done, max, you caught that. Now I can go and say well, yeah, I might not know how to do this, but I can go and ask somebody how to do it. I can go and find out, I can Google it, I can do blah, blah, blah. Now I can believe it because I've moved the body chemistry. So why would I go back again and think I can't do that?
Speaker 2:And the fourth one is repeat, just because, as I say, depends on how well you do the first three, you may have to repeat it. Yeah, for that one thing. But I mean I've, literally I will sometimes find a limiting bliss that pops up and I'll catch it. So it's the awareness around that and I'll go, oh, and then I'll use it. But usually once I've used it is gone. But I have been using this for years. So so, yeah, it may take some people two or three times. Some people don't put a lot of effort in at all, so they may end up not using it at all. So they keep their inner critic going. I prefer to get rid of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow it's, um, shares some similarities with the idea that the heart coherence, you the yeah, sort of that feel, having that feeling, or, um, yes, joe Dispenza talks about like having gratitude, um, and those feelings of love and gratitude, yeah, before you try and change a habit or a limiting belief. Well, it's the same thing yeah, we're all. Everyone is teaching the same thing only in their own experience, in their own way to be honest and for for me it was very much.
Speaker 2:I knew positive thinking worked because I could employ it at work. Right, I could think, yeah, we're going to hit this target and give it, and for some reason that was okay. But when it came to personal things, that was a different thing entirely. Yeah, so we are hard on self, which another this is another part of leading me. If you get to understand that you've been hard on yourself and then you really look into that, what is causing that? And if I find a limiting belief or I find a negative thought that I've got there, I can use the four hours release model to then rid myself of that. So it's always back to. You have to change the chemistry, and that's what joe talks about. It's what everybody who's clicked on how this works yeah, um, we get it's energy. Yeah, and what we put out, we get back. It's, it's that easy. I prefer to call it the law of magnetism, um, because I think the law of abundance always sounds as if we're going to get something loads of money lots of this.
Speaker 1:It's gonna be really lovely?
Speaker 2:yes, you will. But unfortunately, if it's shite you're putting out, you're going to get loads, loads of it back. So I prefer magnetism, because whatever I'm putting out, I get back. Yeah, whereas that word abundance takes people to a different place and they don't realize. I mean the one Navajo Indian saying that I live by in life. It's in my book. It's the first quote I've ever put down, because I love it so much. Be careful of the words we use, as it creates the world around us. And that's what the law of magnetism is really about, because if I'm spartan out about anyone, about myself, that's exactly what I'm going to get back. I'm going to prove to myself time and time again I'm right, whether it's crap or whether it's good. So I know where I'd rather be. But it's so easy for us to get pulled into old habits, so it's a habit breaker, if you like. You need to be in a positive change of body chemistry before you can get anywhere else with the positivity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ok, leadership, so you're working with leaders, and I was going to ask you um, so you've kind of explained um really beautifully about how you know, when we're leading from ourselves, when we feel good about ourselves, that we we, um, you know, share that energy out. Um, and you talked about you. Well, you briefly mentioned, like when you were working with your team originally and you could set goals and targets and you succeed, but when you were trying to do things for yourself, you'd be really hard on yourself. Yeah, and I wonder, with that um, with the work that you do and and the people that you're working with, the leaders, that you're working with their intentions, like their intentions how does that impact the outcomes, do you not? Do you know what I'm getting at? Like, if their intentions are like to make lots of money, be abundant, um, but that can you kind of differentiate between whether there's a purity to it, like, or whether there's, you know, different motivators. I guess you know different intentions behind that desire to make money or succeed in whatever way that is.
Speaker 2:Usually, if we're wanting something from it, it we're lacking somewhere in our past, so that's usually what drives us okay, okay, so there's usually something back here that we don't ever want to revisit. So this is what we believe is the right thing. Money is, um, it's just a, it's a value exchange, and this is too many people get caught in the purity of making the money. It's just value. Your intention of that is what makes it pure. So if you're wanting to make money, you can make it. If you believe that that is just, uh, an energy, because it is just an energy, right, it happens to be piece of paper at this moment in coins at this moment in time, but most of us don't even use that. So if we think about money being, it's a bank account that either goes up or down, that's just energy. So the up and down goes up with your energy or not. Do you see where I'm coming?
Speaker 1:from.
Speaker 2:So just because you have targets over money doesn't make you bad If you have targets over money and it becomes the only thing and we get fixated. But that's the same as getting fixated on anything that we're not balanced. So this, as I talked about this right in the middle leading me, if we're not balanced, then we're off balance, which means mental health issues if we're bigging it up, the very edge of bigging it up, if you can imagine, it's to the side of us, the ladder is not up and down, it's side to side, but it even comes in, so it defies all ladders, if you like. Rather than you know you want to move into the centre, but if you're bigging it up and you keep bigging it and bigging it and bigging it, you become, uh, this, this becomes bipolar, if you like, because you're at the very, very edge and you are now going into a frenzy of it's got to be, it's got to be, and you know you go okay, but then I've got to come all the way back down here to depression. So if you think on bipolar, going from one to the other and it's just flying through the middle part, which is the flow, the ease, the kindness, the love, everything that's in that centre ground. But you're rushing through it. You're just rushing from one side to the other. That's just exhausting, but that's rushing through it. You're just rushing from one side to the other. That's just exhausting, but that's what we do. We allow the ego to manage me rather than me mastering the ego. So by coming into the middle, we can look and view what is the money for? And if the money is for building something amazing and creative and fantastic for others or whatever, then wonderful. But it can also be for building something wonderful for you and the family and the den you know. But you know it's like oh no, you can't think like that. Well, yes, you can, because when you don't, then the money does not flow. So it's back to the leading me and in that middle section I've got an analogy and and it's useful because I use this with clients a lot imagine yourself in the movie.
Speaker 2:You're watching this movie and you're in the movie, that's all you can see. And then you, oh, my god, I got a fright there. Wow, that's so funny. I'm in the movie and I'm reacting to everything that's going on and then I hear a rustle of a paper and I come out. The movie and all of a sudden I see there's a couple who've come in in front of me sat down, and I was so in the movie. I never even saw them. But now I can watch the movie, I can see people around. I can see Paul. My other half is sleeping. So we're going to have a great conversation about this movie, right. So I can now see everything and I can choose my reactions. So when I'm in the middle ground, I'm out of the movie.
Speaker 2:When I'm in the movie, my ego has me out the far edges, oh yeah. So I often say, if they say, oh, this happened in that, okay, were you in the movie, or how far in the movie were you, and they go, yeah, well, actually I was 100 in their max. Okay, how long did it take you to get back out? Right, and sometimes it's like I didn't. I really went there and I was okay, okay. So what are you going to do next time when you find yourself in the movie and how are you going to get yourself out? So it's those types of things that we talk about, because when you're in the movie, it's not fun really, it's just emotional based, it's just coming out, it's just yuck.
Speaker 1:It's just like drama, isn't it? Yeah, big time.
Speaker 2:So that's what your movie is.
Speaker 1:That's great. It's all the drama You're in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're in it, but when you're out and you're watching somebody else's drama, but you're outside here, you're able to see so many different facets. You can see it from this angle and that angle and somebody else's angle, and now you can actually choose what's the best way for this whole situation. Well, that's leading me, because I've gone in, I'm in that center ground, I'm in observation, I'm in balance. I'm not me, me, me, bigging it up. You will do it the way I'm asking you to do it. You're just this, you're just that. Let me blame, blame, blame. I'm not anywhere near any of that and it's a lovely place to be. So my, my personal, um achievements really are every day me living and leading me, and if I catch myself out of that, pulling myself back in with the tools, yeah, right, okay, so your leading me program.
Speaker 1:When you're working with um leaders, what do you work with anyone? It's specifically, are they like you know? Are they in corporate, are they um self-employed, small business, or have you got a a variety of different people?
Speaker 2:that you work with. Yeah, variety, um spice of life for me. Um, business is business. The only difference between one business and another is the number of zeros at the end.
Speaker 2:That yeah yes, um, you can make. You could be making 50 million dollars, pounds, whatever it may be, and you might be spending 50 million and just breaking even. Or you could be spending 60 million and being in loss, right, so it's exactly the same. The issues are usually the same stuff. It's about them, it's about the sales, it's about the. You know how we balance this. It doesn't matter how small a business is versus how big. They have their different foibles within them, but at the end of the day, a business is a business.
Speaker 2:I don't particularly love working with corporate because they're slower, way, way, way slower, because they're slower, way, way, way slower. Um, I suppose my sweet spot is those who are at that, um, what I would say, that 10, 20 million turnover and they want to get to that 40, 50, 60, that type of thing, and they've usually got blockages at that point because they've got to that stage and then there's a block coming, so we get rid of the block. So, but yeah, I've worked with, you know, very small businesses, very small, who are looking to take it big, and that's great fun too, because they'll pivot really quickly when they see something that's going to work for them, work for their teams work for their clients, they'll pivot, whereas corporate are just, you know, they take forever they gotta have a meeting about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly like.
Speaker 2:Well, actually we need 10 meetings about that one thing so um, so my my preference I'll work in corporate with specific higher up individuals. I tend to do it. So some C-suite, I will work with the individual, but I don't particularly work like working with lots of companies in that ilk. But, yeah, individuals. I also say there is no such thing as a business coach. Right, there is no such thing as a business coach. Nobody can coach a business. That's a consultant that is working in a business to sort the business bits out. But a coach is about working with individuals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so so for me it's always the individuals yeah, one of the things that I wrote down actually was like having um been your Instagram and just some of the posts on there which I wouldn't mind like reading out so that you can kind of expand on them for us. But I was. I wrote like psychology versus that strategy. You know, often when we see things online that are about growing your business, um, it's all about strategy do these steps and you will get you know this much money kind of thing. But yeah, yours is obviously you've um told us that through throughout this conversation much more about the psychology and how important and essential it is and essential it is, mindsets are all.
Speaker 2:To be honest, nadine, any monkey can, if they can read, read a book and do a business really, because it's all there.
Speaker 1:It's probably why so many younger people are real influencers on Instagram, because it's almost like oh, yeah, I just do Instagram, like they've just grown up with it, right, whereas us grown-ups it's like how do they have that many followers? Yes, but it's just they. Yeah, they're just like, yeah, I've got that, like that's just what we do there's an attitude and energetics right, absolutely and and I love it.
Speaker 2:I love the fact that people can just take what they love and make it into business, and you can. But it's mindset, it's not your business plan. Don't get me wrong. I expect some business plans et cetera, et cetera, but that's not my forte. That's a consultant who loves doing that.
Speaker 2:I love working with the mind. I love working with the mind. Yeah, I love working with blocks. Yeah, I love seeing people go oh my god, and they've come up with that. Right, if I had a dollar for every time. Somebody said, oh, mags, you're so right and all I've done is ask a question. But their mind has gone to the answer and they think I've given them that and I'll go. No, no, no, that was you. They got that. Um, so the the seeing the growth in front of your eyes as the light bulb comes on is the thing that I absolutely adore, and that that can be online. When somebody goes, oh my god, that's just done, explains it is that, for me, makes my life complete yes, just fantastic well, I guess it's a real testament to exactly what you do as well.
Speaker 1:If you're, if you're giving out that energy, that's what you're attracting in.
Speaker 2:I would be a bit of a fraud if I was sitting here saying leading me and I'm not actually doing it myself, but the leading me came from me, learning these tools to help me through things. And then that's when I realized oh wait, a minute, I've got a suite of tools here and they're actually to do with leading me. Uh, so it's my experience rather than just I've picked a book up.
Speaker 2:I've read this bit and I've got that, so I'll just repeat it. It's been much more about what's the process for me, and how is it?
Speaker 1:how does it feel I?
Speaker 2:guess as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very much that lived experience. So when someone comes to you, I need your help. What are they experiencing?
Speaker 2:well, the first thing I say is oh right, okay, what makes you think you need my help? Because I may not be able to help them right? So, um, the usual is stuck, frustrated, overwhelmed they're. Usually. They want to know their purpose. They've got to say I want to know what my purpose is, but I actually don't want to Value.
Speaker 2:I mean, the first questions I usually ask people are what are your values? And most people and I do this with audiences as well, and I get them to either stand up or have their hand up and I'll say okay, stand up. All those who know their values, okay, well, sit down. If you can't tell me what those values are in one word, just one word for each value, very clear. And then a few will sit down and I'll say, okay, value, very clear. And then a few will sit down and that's it okay. And for those people still standing who have got two, five, whatever it is core values and you can put them one word, I want you to be able to describe exactly what these mean to you and stay up if you can, and very, very often sometimes, if I've got one, that's all, because they're like oh no, she's going to ask I'm sitting down Because yes, you're right I am.
Speaker 2:So if you don't know your values that well, you don't know your values. You might have an idea and you might have an inkling, but we don't spend enough time working out what's my values. My values are my gps and yet I'm not willing to put the time in to do it. Second thing is what's your purpose? Most people will blah, blah, blah. But I mean, some people blah about the values and if, by the way, if, like that, I'll guarantee you've not done them enough. Right, because that's what everybody but I've got people that come up with amazing words, right, that really instill to them and that that's your word and your description. Most people don't know what the purpose is. And then the last question is so can you tell me what's your 10-year vision? And they go? Well, I know I would. I think I would like that more. So you think so. We've not done that either. So we've not even gone to who we really are.
Speaker 2:No, and I'm talking about no matter how high up in a company, you may even have a set of values on a wall, but you don't even know your own individual values. Not good enough. You know you're asking people to follow you and you don't even know me? No, I don't think so, and that is an issue in business, because most people, like me as a young person, got a badge that says manager and thinks they can tell people what to do and they'll do it, and then we don't know why they won't do it. What the hell is this Life would be fine if we didn't have to manage people, but actually, when you get into it, that's the real wonder of it. Yeah, and you can make amazing teams if you really understand what's going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, really interesting. As you were saying those questions like what are your values, I was ticking over in my mind what's my purpose? Ticking over in my mind and interestingly, there are some things that came up, but there's also that kind of like are they mine or are they what I think I should be saying?
Speaker 2:Yes, and most of the time it's. I think I should be saying this yeah, or I heard somebody say that, quite like that, so I'll take that and it's like well, that's not you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it totally makes sense also, like when you do like fully embrace your truth. Well, it's authentic self. Your authentic self, which is like what you value in life. Yeah, and what you're here for, or what you're here for, automatically attracts the right people to you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's often what I say. If we're hiding ourselves and we're not authentic self, we'll put shite out and we will only get shite back. And then we complain about that shite and it's like, well, you can only look at you because you're the one that's caused that. Don't get me wrong, we don't like the answers to the questions, but when we face again this is young's work when we face up to that dark side and we realize, oh, I done that.
Speaker 2:I can't tell you how many times clients have come and said I really need help with some members of staff because they're driving me, that's okay, and we start and it's like so, it's not them, it's you. You know it's every single time it's back to me, um, and that's hard to take and I'm I'm not, I'm not the right person for everyone in this world, because I do hold the mirror, I've held it up for myself and I still do to this day. Um, and I don't like what I see sometimes, right, but but when I see it, and George RR Martin and I'll paraphrase this I don't think I might get it right, but I might add a couple of bits myself. But George RR Martin, who wrote Fire and Ice that became Game of Thrones. Oh yeah, his, his quote is wonderful.
Speaker 2:When you accept your own flaws, no one can hold them against you. Oh, and I love that. Oh yeah, that's great and that's what I teach. I teach people how to accept their own flaws and get themselves out of the stuckness and they get clarity and they get love and kindness and happiness. And I don't particularly like the word gratitude. I've said this for a long time. I know a lot of people use it, but I often think it comes from a negative space. You know, I'm grateful because I could be like that or I'm grateful because once I want right so I don't.
Speaker 2:But the word appreciation, I think, is a beautiful word, but it's. You get to appreciate everything because you appreciate self, and I do teach self-love through the tools, because you end up you can't do anything else but love yourself, and I came from a place of not loving self, so I know this, um, but you get to that place of loving yourself so much that everybody gains all round about you and those who can't deal with that vibration will just go away. That's the beauty of it, right? Whatever we put out, we get back. Yeah, so it's wonderful, nadine, when, when you live consciously and aware of that and that's really what we're teaching then life did become lovely amazing.
Speaker 1:I've got a couple of things that I wrote down from your posts and I loved. Uh, I loved this one and I would love for you to talk to it um fear of failure or discomfort of leaving what's familiar yes oh, that makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable, because I kid, it was meant to, but in a good way.
Speaker 2:I love it. I think that came from one that I done that. I often draw a circle, a little circle, and then I talk about that's your comfort zone and it feels great because I know everything in here and I understand everything. But actually the magic happens outside that circle, um, and sometimes we have to be dragged, kicking and screaming out of it. Sometimes we will just not move, um, but if you're just not moving, you're not living.
Speaker 2:We, we came to this earth to experience everything, the good and what we perceive as being bad, which sometimes, when we look back, oh god, that was the best thing that ever happened. So if we can see curved balls or side balls coming and they hit us and we go, oh, I wonder what that's about, whereas beforehand I'd be in the movie straight away, I can't believe this has happened. And now I go, oh, what the hell's that about? What was that message? There's something in here and I might get it and I might not. But wow, then we're starting to live outside the comfort zone because instead of reacting to that, we're actually taking ourself into discomfort and holding it and feeling it and thinking what is this? And becoming curious over it rather than reacting to it. So it's staying well out of the movie and leading me terms in that middle ground and just feeling for what this is and I use the word feeling as in the feeling of physical, as in my hands, feelings, things but also that bodily feel of the intuition that's going, ooh, this must be for the good of me, because there's something going on and often I'll find it not long after or I'll look back and go, oh, my God, I now know what that was about. So that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:I can fear it, I can be in the movie and fearing everything about what has just happened and I can catastrophize and dramatize over what could happen because of this, which is future. So I'm now not living in the present, I'm in future. Or what happened in the past, when this has happened before, and that's what's going to happen. I'm living in the past, when this has happened before and that's what's going to happen. I'm living in the past. And if we live in the present and just see it for what it is and stop and think, wow, what is this? What's the gift in this? Because there is, there always is. It's like oh, and then I can appreciate it what it is, even if I don't know. It's the don't know that causes the fear. But if the don't know because it's curiosity, then that becomes much more fun. Love it.
Speaker 1:Let me choose one more quote, and then we'll talk about yours.
Speaker 2:I don't know what you're throwing at me.
Speaker 1:I'm like what's next?
Speaker 2:They're yours. Yeah, that's the only good thing.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you'll be able to answer this one, because it said stay tuned after it, so you might give too much away, but I'm going to ask you anyway Is overwhelm silently taking over your life without you even realising it? It's kind of along the same lines, is it?
Speaker 2:It is Without being in the movie, yeah, but a lot of the time you're in the movie so you're not seeing it. But it is something that I caused for myself, so I speak from experience. It is something that I caused for myself, so I speak from experience, and sometimes we wear.
Speaker 2:I am superwoman or superman. The world cannot do without us, the business can't do without us. The family can't do it. Whoever it is, they can't do without us. Yes, they can. The problem is you are the one with the hang up. You're the one digging it up, thinking everybody needs you, and that's caused by this belittling part of you which is a need to be needed.
Speaker 2:So, I'll create the need so we can cause our overwhelm really, really easily and before we know it, we're deep into it. So we're deep in the movie and the worst thing is I actually can't extract myself and I'm a bit stuck and I don't know how to extract myself and, all to be honest, it doesn't take much um, you have to find something. I don't. I don't know what it may be. For me, sleep is always the one that everyone can go to. Right, sleep will stop everything. Yeah, the only issue is that we waking up in the same state. So the first thing we go to instead of going to sleep. So if you're ever in this overwhipped state, go to sleep.
Speaker 2:Sometimes people can't find getting to sleep easy, or even sleeping easy, right? So that's another issue you have, which means you're even further in than you should be I don't like the word should. You're even further in than the world around you could let you be a different person. So you go to sleep, but when you're waking up, you tell yourself, as I'm waking up, I'm going to start appreciating something or anything and I'm going to get the ball rolling in appreciation. Not, oh, my god, as soon as I wake up. That thing right, because then we just start the same thing over and over again and that momentum will carry on through your day. So you can do it that way, although a lot of people find that hard. Um, I use meditation. Um, I always shite at meditation at the beginning because I'm a control freak, so my ego would quite happily go oh, I can't do that because it was.
Speaker 2:This is taking a long time, yeah, yeah oh, I'm not doing it the way everybody else is doing it. You know it's all that and it was just stories. So I then put time and effort in and I actually did go and attend a silent meditation course called Vipassana, which was amazing. I wouldn't recommend it, by the way, to anyone. You have to be in the right headspace and everything to go but it accelerated my learning of meditation and led to leading me. To be honest, that was one of my big pushes of equanimity.
Speaker 2:They talk about that balance within yourself. Um, so the overwhelm comes from you not stopping. And you don't stop because you've got this, I've got to be brilliant, everything. But then you start complaining about how everybody treats you because you're a bit nice fact, it's you, it's costed in the first place. Okay, how do I know this? Because I've done it. So the overwhelm comes from doing that too much. And then the meditation, for me, stops it. I don't even get too overwhelmed anymore, but it stops me starting my day in the wrong way. Right, and it's so easy because, again, habitual, that repeat at the end of my four hours.
Speaker 2:You know we get up and straight away we're into it and then we we're in the shower and we're not even present with our own body and our own selves, because we're up here and then they're what they said in the story and right.
Speaker 2:So it's finding a technique that works for you, because some people might be yoga, some people tai chi, some people might be calisthenics, some people you know, like, say, exercise can do it, right, the thing, you've just got to watch it. Wherever you, whatever you get into it's, it's a, it's addiction. But you're addicted to the overwhelm, to the hits that you're getting, the dopamine hits you're getting for some of the things you're doing. So you don't transfer that then over onto something else. Right, and you, you, you understand right more than most Nadine, right, but we've, we've got to be really careful that we don't build addictions, and that's to do with the balance, right. So it's why meditations worked really well for me, because as someone who could get I mean I would say I was a workaholic at one point in my life that Paul hardly seen me.
Speaker 2:You know I was away on a flight on a Sunday, back on a Thursday or a Friday, maybe have a few hours with him at the weekend. I was back again and I was doing that, thinking I needed to to get to this or do that or do in the stories that are built for my team and you know, hero, and it's not that I didn't. I really cared for my team and I really wanted to, but I didn't have to kill myself to do it. You know what I mean? It's ridiculous. So I was addicted to work, there is no doubt, and I became very overwhelmed. So it's easy to do and not even realise you're there and it's easy to build the stories to hold yourself there. So it's, what stories are you telling yourself? And really, if I dropped down dead at that point in time, my company would have been fine without me. They would have said that was a shame. Yeah, they would have said, oh, I can't believe it, mags. They'd have maybe mourned me for, you know, five minutes yeah, have a memorial.
Speaker 1:Do the whole bit. Who's gonna do it now?
Speaker 2:in death service. Mate, there's your money. You know they would have done all the good stuff, but then you know a week later they're busy doing their stuff. So it's this I'm and this is the ego right, the ego dragging me out, or rather, me allowing the ego to drag that. Let me get really really clear about this.
Speaker 2:My message is ego is really great, really great, and please stop saying things like leave your ego at the door. What a lot of bollocks. You can't leave an ego, that we come with an ego. It's we have to master the ego. So bring your balanced ego into the room. By all means. Unbalanced ego is not wanted here. Right, that's basically the message I want to get.
Speaker 2:But stop saying leave your ego. You can't right. Stop calling it you know big ego and everything else. Get into this balanced ego mode, or unbalanced, and you'll start to understand it and you'll start to go to yours. Because if I say ego, people don't want to know that and I'm not that and this is my shadow side I don't want to look at. So what I'm saying is take your time to think about, hang on, where is my ego at the moment? Is it bigging it up, or is it belittling, or am I actually sitting? Do I feel? Everything's easy, everything's in flow, everything keeps coming to me. I don't even have to do anything, but it all works right. That's when you know you're right in that middle section. If you're starting to question things or do, then you're out. So how do you just get yourself back in? Yeah, meditation is a great way of doing it. Yeah, but, as I say, there's other modes that other people prefer.
Speaker 1:Knock yourself out, just do what works for you yeah, yeah, totally, and and yeah, that self-awareness piece is just super important, isn't it?
Speaker 1:and it's really interesting because I know that you, you know work with leaders essentially, but when you okay from I recognize some of the things you've said about myself, um, as a parent, yeah, doing all of the things, and I see it in other parents even more than me. But that that whole, you know, I have to go to the meeting, I have to drop the kids off, pick them up, feed them, you know, and get caught up in all of that drama of like no, one's asked me to do it correct and the kids, the kids, yeah, they can.
Speaker 2:If the kids need, they will say mum, can you pick me up or can you? Yeah, but it's, it's the whole show.
Speaker 1:Totally get caught in that. Yeah, the the hero thing, yes, yeah that was.
Speaker 2:Many of us have this hero aspect, so, of course, when we do that, we create victims. That's the bit that we're missing, that we don't click to oh, hang on a second. And then we become victim, because we then blame them for all the things all the things that we've got to do and I'm so busy and realize what I've done, like they. Like I've asked you, but I've done this and I've cleaned that and sorted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's your ego out of balance and it's pretty sly right, and that's exactly what you were talking about that overwhelm and not even realising that you're in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, this is yeah some really valuable insights, just for me personally, thank you. So we've been talking about your leading me work specifically, do you? So let's just sort of briefly bring that to a close, because I'm conscious that we've reached our hour and I don't. I don't. I appreciate your time and I want to talk about the the new thing. Um so, when you do the leading me work, do you work in groups or is it all individual coaching?
Speaker 2:um, I've done it maybe various ways over the years. So I've had small groups online at times. I've worked in companies where I've actually done some group work within the companies and some one-to-ones, and I tend to nowadays do more one-to-ones. Um so, but it's always at the higher end and I was. I was having lots of younger people actually coming up and saying Mags, I'd like to do more of this and I thought to myself well, how can I facilitate that?
Speaker 2:And I have been looking for a platform for years. I've been like four or five years. I've been looking for the right platform and it all as the universe does. It all came together when I found a platform that was just ideal for what I wanted, which was building a community of leaders and aspiring leaders, so people who run their own businesses, people who because running your own business is, I know, very lonely, right, so having a group of people there.
Speaker 2:But it's not a group that we complain and moan at each other, right? This is a group that's supportive, that if we've got an issue, we'll put it out, and there's some, you know, members have been around for a long time. There's some people who are at the point of their life, which is that I'm not sure what's next, but I've, I've sort of made it. But what's next for me? So there's a whole conglomerate of different people, but that helps the mentoring and coaching and nurturing of each other. So it's not you're young, so you get mentored, but no, no, no, you've got wisdom beyond belief coming in too.
Speaker 2:So we've gathered people together in a community and at the same time, there's a different ways of coming in to that community. So you might only just really want the community and I do decision making made easy, which is an online program. That's all in there. Okay, so you'll come in there. Or you maybe need some group coaching and group accountability, or you maybe want some one-to-one and grouping. So there's different ways to come into the community. And we built that and we're just launching it. So it's so exciting. Um, so, yeah, so it's so good. I've, I've already got a waiting list at the moment and we open that up tomorrow. Yeah, so it will be when this goes out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this will be a couple, probably not not too long afterwards. So we're recording this December the 3rd, so December the 4th, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'll give you a link.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah Great.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so we open that up and people can come in and very, very easy to use. It's on an app as well, so it's just the community is fantastic. So I can't wait, and that's called dare to shine your brilliance beautiful so and are you going to be quite, quite prominent within that community?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, yeah. So, because obviously you're the uh, you obviously bring a certain energy to the work you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah and and you know that that was why some people who you know I do some work outside and I've got a group, a couple of groups, um, that I do and they were also saying know we'd like to do more. So this is the way they can come in and we do more together. So the community will help each other. But yeah, I'll be there and we'll be doing Q&As, you know, if people get stuck or we'll teach the tools and all of that. So it's going to be great. But what I would like to do is, if anybody is really interested in the four hours release model, nadine, for your listeners, I'm happy to give you a link to it's a free webinar where they can learn about positive thinking, not working.
Speaker 2:But what does the three brains in the body and also they get? I'll teach them the model properly.
Speaker 1:So I'll happily give that to you for your community as well. Great, um we um. Thank you for that. We've got a? Um guest directory, so what I'll do is I'll get your information into the guest directory and we can include that in in the guest directory yeah, because I know it's like for people.
Speaker 2:They hear bits and they go. Yeah, but how does that work? I teach the whole thing and it's free. Yeah, great, amazing.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I've gained some valuable insights myself tonight. Thank you, a little bit uncomfortable here and there, but in the nicest possible way right. You're growing when you do that. Thank you so much for joining us. I wish you all the best of luck with the new community.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it will be amazing yeah, I'm looking forward to it, but thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker 1:It's been an honor, loving every minute. Okay, take care. Bye, bye. Before you go, can I ask you a small favor? If you've enjoyed this show or any of the other episodes that you've listened to, then I'd really appreciate it if you took a couple of moments to hit subscribe. This is a great way to increase our listeners and get the word out there about all of the wonderful guests that we've had on the podcast. If, if you'd like to further support the show, you can buy me a coffee by going to buymeacoffeecom forward slash, life, health, the universe. You can find that link in the show notes. Thanks for listening.